Friday, June 23, 2006

always arriving

holy shit this is seriously happening. i am seriously leaving my job. tomorrow is seriously my last day at work. i have (seriously) been as busy as Biz Markie, takin' care of bizness -- moving out, putting my shit in storage, giving other shit away, preparing for travels, wandering aimlessly, homelessly, happily through town and sleeping in the spare rooms or on the sofas of the kindest, bestest friends you could ever imagine ever existing, and meanwhile working toward not working at my job ever again. been good times, heady times. times i haven't even had time to realize or wrestle down into an easy happy nervous anxiety. it's yet to be a reality that i really get... it's just been happening, happening all around me and happening fast. well, there is also a sort of schizoid energy -- "okay, what next?!?!?" -- and I'm drinking a lot more coffee (and loving it!!!!) than ever before. but through it all, there's a giant bright neon purple light flashing inside my mind saying ENJOY IT ALL, and so i've been doing that too.

but today i felt my first true sadness. my last night of work. i leave during daylight tomorrow -- and so it was strange this eve. the cleaning out of the desk, the collecting of my things for the nightly departure that i won't ever make again. just a whoa moment, a whoament. there is so much there, much memories and knowledge -- a part of myself, a great group of people i care about, a time that was. and there it was. and there it'll always be.


so i'm going to be setting up a travel blog (any site recommendiations, yo?) -- i'm looking for a place that'll be a little less bloggery than the function. i've heard of spotty blogspot issues abroad -- and i won't mention the random annoyances i've even found here on the homefront. so anyway, i'll set that up once i get around to it, and probably let the unguent simmer in its own salve-ation for a time.

so yeah. i haven't been on the internet a great deal recently -- i've actually been dorking out and trying to set up my iPod with the ideal music collection for my time away from my digitized musicalibrary (and oink). like, do I need more Van Morrison, or do I need less? I will wonder and ponder and picture. it is easy to get caught up, believe you me yes yes do. but that means no funny silly shit here. at this time. at this juncture. or much more many junctures mostly. mostly making a move away from it. for a bit. believe it.

can't say how it will be, but all i know is this next thing -- this trek off over to the southeast of the Asian landmass -- will be different. who can say how it'll all tie itself together -- is thissahere blog just a part of this one life chapter that is now coming to a close? or does it lead on into the next chapter, and will it re-emerge as a central clue to the riddle contained therein? is it a part of an entire sub-section? is it a part of the whole, a narrative necessity?

who can say? who cares? let's get naked! wootie woo!

but hey! hey, you! yeah, hey, first i did quickly want to mention that the bellacious Bella over at Bella Rossa dropped some virtual interviewation in my inbox, and i surely surely responded in kind. it was good fun, and i only half-regret half of my half-ass answers. but it was a very nice exchange, so mad props and many thanks to her.

and thanks and hi for stopping by. hope you're drunker than i am when you read this.

i've posted this quote before, but i like it:
And this? This is like my little window to the world, and every minute, it's a different show. Now, I may not understand it. I may not even necessarily agree with it. But I'll tell you what, I accept it and just sort of glide along. You want to keep things on an even keel I guess is what I'm saying. You want to go with the flow. The sea refuses no river. The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. Saves on introductions and good-byes. The ride does not require an explanation. Just occupants.
- Waking Life

ah, here's another one:
For my part, I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

and then there's the master:
From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines,
Going where I list, my own master total and absolute,
listening to others, considering well what they say,
pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,
Gently, but with undeniable will
divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

- Walt Whitman, "Song of the Open Road"

Whitman is the badass-estiest! i'd actually like to scrounge around and find some more quotes, but my books are all packed up in storage and these are just the ones i really super remember liking and wanted to put up here in some way to express the thought i'm feeling here somehow, as said by them folks who knew how to say some shit.

seriously, I need to bring Leaves of Grass and read it. don't let me forget.


No comments:

Post a Comment